


All Good Things

by Rycolfan (Snarryeyes)



Category: Whose Line Is It Anyway? RPF
Genre: Angst, Multi, Post-Whose Line
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-16
Updated: 2012-07-07
Packaged: 2017-11-07 21:48:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 17,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/435801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snarryeyes/pseuds/Rycolfan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All good things come to an end, and the prospect of parting ways forces certain confessions...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this story a couple of years ago. There are fourteen chapters in all, which I'll be posting in due course. :) 
> 
> This is a work of fiction. No offense is intended to those portrayed herein.

This was it. What I'd been dreading had finally arrived; the end of an era some might say. The end of Whose Line.

The party had been in full swing for a few hours, a seemingly endless parade of backslaps and goodbyes mixed with drinking and laughter. Of course I plastered a smile on my face and let myself be swept along with it, but inside my heart felt like someone was squeezing the life out of it, the pain all too real.

Most of the others were sad to see it end too--it had been a part of all of our lives for so long--but my sadness ran much deeper. A burst of loud deep laughter, which was only too familiar, broke me out of my musings and made me look around.

Despite his cheerful expression and sparkling eyes, I could tell that Ryan was hiding a little sorrow of his own. His acting skills were so good that I doubt anyone but me could have seen through them, but that was how it had always been with us. We shared a connection that couldn't be defined. The thought brought a lump to my throat and I hastily looked down at my almost untouched champagne in an attempt to hide my despair.

"Are you alright, Colin?"

I took a deep breath and looked up into Wayne's concerned face with a forced smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking, that's all."

"Haven't I warned you about that, Col?" Ryan said from just behind me and I rolled my eyes, my smile turning genuine.

"Ha ha," I replied sarcastically, turning to look into his eyes which were gleaming mischievously. "Are you able to think at all with the lack of oxygen up there?"

"I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" he smirked. "Your head was blinding me."

"Really?" I said in mock surprise, "I'm surprised you could see it over your nose." I felt a thrill of pleasure as he dissolved into laughter and threw an arm around my shoulders affectionately.

Wayne was shaking his head and chuckling quietly at the pair of us. "I'm sure gonna miss this."

I felt my previous melancholy mood return at his words, and I suddenly didn't want to be there anymore. I didn't want to witness the final painful moments. Hastily excusing myself I fled the room and made my way outside, telling myself that it was the cold night air which was bringing tears to my eyes rather than my aching heart.

I went into the shadows and leant against the wall, trying to pull myself together. I was tempted to go up to my room and leave there and then but I couldn't do that to Ryan. That was the coward's way out.

"Col?"

Of course, I should have expected him to come after me. I looked up as he approached, seeing his concerned expression despite the dim light.

"You okay?" he asked, reaching out to touch my arm. I could feel his warmth seeping through my shirt.

"Yeah," I replied unconvincingly.

"Uh-huh," Ryan said sceptically. "Come on, Col, you've been quiet all night and now you're hiding outside. What's wrong?"

I let out a deep sigh and sagged against the wall, suddenly feeling bone-achingly tired. "I just don't see a reason to celebrate, that's all."

Ryan nodded in understanding and moved to lean against the wall next to me. "I know, it's tough. We've had a good run, though."

"I suppose," I replied, looking up at the stars, "but Whose Line has been a part of my life for so long." I paused, unsure exactly how much I should say, before adding, "I'm saying goodbye to so much." 

Ryan turned his head to look at me with a serious expression. "We're still going to see each other, Col," he said firmly.

I smiled at his ability to see through my words, and I heard the determination in his voice, but I was far from convinced. "We live in separate countries, Ry, and you won't get on a plane. Face it; we'll see each other once a year, if that. Then we'll probably drift apart and lose contact all together."

I was startled when Ryan grabbed my hand and forced me to look into his eyes. "I'm not going to let that happen. You're too important to me."

I felt my heart jolt at his fierce gaze, daring to hope a little, but was crushed by his next words, no doubt intended to lighten the mood but which in fact did the opposite.

"Hey, I'm sure Deb and Pat will arrange visits. You know how they love to plan."

I removed my hand and looked away from his smiling face. "I don't just want a few family get-togethers a year," I said, trying and failing to keep the bitterness out of my voice.

"Well what do you want, Col?" Ryan asked, his voice rising. "What do you want from me?"

I turned on him, suddenly furious. "I want..." I stopped and shook my head, my anger evaporating as quickly as it had appeared. "Never mind."

I pushed off from the wall and started to walk away, cursing the entire damn evening to hell. However, I hadn't taken more than a few steps when I felt his fingers close around my arm and he whipped me around to face him.

"What do you want, Col?" he asked, his anger replaced by desperation. "Tell me."

There was confusion in his eyes, and something else which I couldn't place. I reached up to lay my hand on his cheek and found myself leaning forward to brush my lips against his ever so gently, figuring I really didn't have much to lose at this point.

"You Ry," I whispered, meeting his gaze resolutely. "I just want you."

TBC.


	2. Chapter 2

Ryan stood rooted to the spot in front of me with a shocked expression, opening and closing his mouth a few times and seemingly unable to form any words. It would have been quite amusing at any other time, but not at this moment.

When the silence became unbearable I dropped my hand and looked down, letting out a deep breath. I hadn’t expected a declaration of love, but this quiet rejection hurt like hell. I was, however, determined to walk away with my head held high, so I looked back up into his eyes with a sad smile.

“Just forget about it, Ry. This never happened.”

I tore my gaze away from his emerald depths and forced my legs to walk away from him, quite possibly for the last time. In my mind I imagined him calling me back, pulling me into his arms and kissing me like I’d always wanted him to, but he didn’t utter a sound, and I didn’t look back.

 

An hour later I was lying on the bed in my hotel room flicking through endless channels of garbage on television, having already packed everything ready for the flight home in the morning. I’d managed to escape the rest of the party with the excuse of a bad headache, which wasn’t actually that far from the truth. The conversation with Ryan had taken its toll on my emotions, and there was a dull pain behind my eyes as I struggled to rein them in.

Greg had accepted my excuse without question when I’d gone back in, having left Ryan numbly standing outside, but I could see that he was suspicious. No doubt those suspicions would only have increased upon seeing Ryan rejoin the party after I’d left. 

I wondered idly if Ryan would tell Greg about our conversation, but immediately dismissed the notion. Ryan never talked about his feelings with anyone, which is why I never quite knew exactly where I stood with him. All those stage kisses and innuendos had only served to complicate matters.

Had there ever been anything real behind those kisses? It was a question I’d pondered over more times than I could count. Sometimes I had been convinced that there was, but then something would always happen to make me doubt it again. I hadn’t honestly planned on ever confronting him about it, but the thought of losing him from my life made me utter those fateful words and now I could never take them back.

I decided to give up on the television idea and switched it off with a click, glancing at the bedside clock which was flashing 11.52. I should have been half asleep by now, after the long and tiring day I’d had, but my mind was too full. I wished there was a way to simply click it off like the television.

I let out a deep sigh and heaved my body off the bed, heading for the bathroom. I figured I might as well try to get some sleep, even though I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be successful. Ten minutes later I settled down on the firm mattress and turned out the light, trying to clear my mind of everything that had happened and focus on a place of peace and tranquility.

A loud knock at the door broke my concentration and I sat up to turn the light back on, blinking rapidly as my eyes adjusted to the glare. I knew without a shadow of a doubt who that knock belonged to, after years of hearing its distinct rhythm, but I was unsure whether I actually wanted to open the door. There was another knock, louder this time, and I realized that he wasn’t going to give up easily. Not wanting him to disturb the other guests, I walked over to the door quickly and opened it. 

Ryan was swaying slightly and his eyes had a glazed quality to them as he pushed past me and entered the room. Great, this was just what I needed at this hour; an inebriated Ryan. I closed the door and turned to face him, feeling a little self-conscious in just a t-shirt and boxers. “What do you want, Ryan?”

Ryan had been letting his eyes wander around the room but they locked with mine once again as I spoke. He sat down on the couch heavily, his clothing in disarray. “You can’t just say something like that and walk away, Col.”

I couldn’t help the snort of amusement that burst forth, even though my heart had clenched at his words. “You’re hardly in a fit state to have this conversation now, Ryan.”

“Well, you’re leaving tomorrow so it has to be now.”

I couldn’t argue with that but I had hoped to avoid the obligatory “ _I love you, but not in that way_ ” speech.

“Fine, just say what you have to say and then leave,” I said, a little more coldly than I intended.

Ryan looked up at me and I could see that the alcohol hadn’t numbed that blow completely, a flicker of hurt showing clearly in his eyes. “I’m married, Col,” he said softly.

A thread of guilt wormed its way into my heart and I sat down on the edge of the bed wearily. “In case you haven’t noticed, Ry, so am I.”

“I love my wife,” Ryan continued as if I hadn’t spoken, looking down at his hands, “and my kids. I love my family.” He paused for a moment and shook his head. “I’m not gay.”

I knew he wasn’t. Hell, I wasn’t either, but Ryan seemed to be an exception in my case. As much as I loved Deb, I was never _in_ love with her; that was reserved for the man sitting in front of me. 

“I know,” I replied with a nod, my voice staying remarkably steady. 

I got up to go to the door, preparing to usher him out of my life, when his hand caught mine and held it fast. I looked back at him and my heart jumped at his intense gaze. It nearly stopped altogether at his next words.

“Then why do I want you so badly?”

TBC.


	3. Chapter 3

Now it was my turn to stand and stare, rendered momentarily speechless by his question. His hand was still holding on tightly to mine as he got to his feet and stood facing me, his eyes searching my face for a moment before his lips suddenly descended on mine.

I allowed myself to enjoy it for an instant, then pulled away and put some space between us. “You’ve had too much to drink, Ryan. Go and sleep it off, okay?”

He stepped closer to me again, so close that his scent filled my nostrils and made me yearn for his touch once more. “I’m not that drunk, Col. I know what I’m doing.”

“What about Pat?” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I fully expected this unwelcome dose of reality to put a stop to things there and then.

Ryan frowned at the mention of his wife’s name and sighed. “What if…” he began hesitantly, then stopped and looked down.

When he didn’t continue I was forced to prompt him, very curious as to what he had been going to say. “What?”

He looked back up into my eyes and swallowed. “What if we just have one night together? It might be enough to get whatever this is out of our systems.”

I didn’t believe that for a second, but I could see how much _he_ wanted to believe it by the pleading look in his eyes. It was obvious that we were both fighting a losing battle, and I’d given in before his lips even touched my own; I’d been waiting too long for this moment to care about the possible repercussions.

I let out a small whimper as our tongues collided, tasting a mixture of alcohol and tobacco, and he lifted his large hands to cup my face tenderly. The kiss quickly intensified as years of pent-up emotion was finally set free, and my heart was singing the hallelujah chorus. 

His hands moved slowly down my body, and I felt him grip the bottom of my T-shirt before lifting it up and diving underneath. I couldn’t help the gasp that escaped my lips as his warm fingers skimmed across my flesh, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. This awakened a need within me to do the same, let my hands wander freely over his firm chest, and I hastily began unbuttoning his shirt, finally giving up and just ripping the darn thing off to gain access.

Ryan broke the kiss briefly to lift my T-shirt over my head then immediately reattached our lips, pulling me up against him so that our bodies melded together. His skin felt scorching hot against mine as the kiss swept away all worldly worries and ignited a fiery desire.

When his hands wandered lower and played with the waistband of my boxers I pulled back and looked into his eyes, a seed of doubt entering my brain. Ryan sensed my hesitation and leaned in to kiss me again, murmuring against my lips, “I want to see all of you…please.”

I didn’t try to stop him as he broke the kiss to pull my boxers down, revealing my already aching arousal, and I felt his heated gaze travel over my now naked body. I resisted the urge to cover myself up again, closing my eyes as his fingers stroked down my chest and abdomen and finally ghosted over my erection.

I bit my lower lip to stop myself from moaning at the touch and I felt his lips trail a path up my chest and neck, finally catching mine in a passionate kiss. I reached blindly for his belt, wasting no time in removing his pants and underwear so that his impressive erection sprang free and bumped against my own. 

The feel of his hardness against mine brought it home to me that it was all real. This wasn’t one of my many erotic dreams; he was really here, and he wanted me as much as I wanted him. A snide voice in my head reminded me that he only wanted me for one night, that tomorrow we’d part ways and go back to our wives, but I would take anything he had to offer right now. 

As we moved towards the large bed, I felt a flutter of nerves in my stomach; I wasn’t sure about him, but this was completely new territory for me. Ryan, however, showed no signs of hesitation and pushed me firmly onto the bed, immediately covering my body with his and placing open-mouthed kisses along my collar bone. He shifted position slightly and our erections brushed against each other, making us both moan softly.

Wanting to feel that jolt of pure pleasure again, I thrust my hips upwards and gasped at the sensation, pleased by the answering growl of passion torn from Ryan’s throat. He joined his lips to mine once more as we began to thrust mindlessly against each other, indescribable feelings coursing through my body and pooling in my groin.

Our actions became increasingly frenzied as we both approached the point of no return and Ryan broke the kiss, tilting his head back and closing his eyes, an expression of unadulterated ecstasy on his face. I tried to cling on for a few more moments as I stared up at him, mesmerised, but I couldn’t fight the force of my impending orgasm. It tore through my body, setting every nerve on fire, and I cried out his name. Seconds later I felt him explode too, the warmth spreading between us as his body was racked by spasm after spasm of pleasure.

He rolled off me and collapsed against the pillow in exhaustion, his hand reaching for mine as his eyes closed.

“Love you, Col,” he mumbled as his breathing began to even out, the alcohol hastening the onset of sleep.

I didn’t know if he meant it in the way I wanted, but I couldn’t fight the smile on my face as I returned the sentiment. After I’d cleaned both of us off I settled back down to watch him sleep for a while, but as I studied his peaceful, care-free, expression, I felt the smile slip from my face.

Tomorrow we’d be back to just being friends, pretending that this had never happened. Tonight was merely a brief, tantalising, taste of what could have been. 

Regardless of what I had told myself about just taking what he had to offer, I honestly didn’t know if, come morning, I would be able to let him go.

TBC.


	4. Chapter 4

I awoke the next morning to find that Ryan had already left; his side of the bed retaining none of his body heat, just the lingering scent of his aftershave. I pressed my face into the pillow where he’d lain, screwing my eyes shut at the pain his silent departure had inflicted. I couldn’t say I was surprised that he’d gone, but it was still akin to taking a knife in the gut. I tried to cling on to the memory of the previous night, the way he’d held me and kissed me as if his life depended on it, but the daylight was cruelly chasing it away as it would a dream.

I stayed in that position for several minutes, curled in upon myself and trying to breathe. I would have probably stayed there all day, had it not been for the flight I was booked on back to Toronto and my family. I should have felt worse for having cheated on Deb, but the truth was that our marriage had been over for a few years. We were more like good friends than spouses nowadays, staying together for the sake of Luke rather than anything else. Luke was the one thing I’d got right. 

It took all my willpower to push myself out of bed and head for the shower, and I stayed under the powerful spray for much longer than necessary. Maybe I was hoping it would wash everything away; my guilt, my anguish, and, above all, my all-consuming love for a man who would never be mine.

As I headed out of the bathroom, a towel securely wrapped around my waist, I noticed a note on the coffee table with very familiar handwriting. My stomach dropped as I picked it up and my hands shook slightly. This note would no doubt define our relationship from this point on.

 

_Col,_

_I had to go back to my room to get cleaned up and changed, and I didn’t want to wake you. I’ll see you downstairs for breakfast later._

_Ryan._

 

It was certainly short and to the point. There was no mention of the previous night, which was almost certainly indicative of his need to put the whole thing behind him and move on. Well maybe he could, but I couldn’t. I wasn’t sure things could ever go back to the way they were before.

I toyed with the idea of skipping breakfast altogether, but hiding in my room wasn’t the way forward. I was going to have to face this head on.

 

 

By the time I got down to breakfast, everyone else was already there and conversing loudly. I called upon every ounce of acting skill I possessed to walk in there casually and greet everyone’s calls with a smile, although I deliberately avoided meeting Ryan’s searching gaze.

“You feeling better, Col?” Greg asked from his seat beside Ryan. “You looked really rough last night, man.”

“Yeah,” I replied easily, my eyes flicking briefly to Ryan before returning to Greg’s face, “much better, thanks.”

Greg nodded and resumed his conversation with Ryan, but I could feel Ryan’s eyes stay on me as I grabbed a croissant from the breakfast buffet selection and turned. There were two spare seats at the large table; one in-between Brad and Wayne, and the other next to Ryan at the end. I hesitated for a moment before going to sit next to Ryan, knowing that blatantly snubbing him would have aroused curiosity and invited unwelcome questions.

My leg accidentally brushed against his as I sat down and I immediately moved a little further away, inwardly cursing my rapidly beating heart. Ryan poured me some coffee, as he always did, and placed it in front of me as he listened to Greg’s story about a drunken fan girl who’d camped outside his room. I was barely able to pay attention to anything that was going on around me with Ryan’s scent invading my nostrils and bringing arousing memories to the surface. I decided to eat as quickly as possible and then escape, to avoid potential embarrassment. 

I belatedly realized that Brad had been attempting to get my attention, and hastily pulled myself together. “Sorry Brad, I guess I’m still half asleep.”

“You didn’t have fan-girls camped outside your room too, did you?” Brad grinned.

“No, just Ryan,” Chip laughed, tossing back a couple of painkillers and swallowing them dry.

I panicked for an instant before realizing that they didn’t know anything; they were just making the usual kind of joke about our closeness, which we’d had to put up with many times over the years. I gave it my normal response, which was to roll my eyes and smile good-naturedly, as I finished off my breakfast and washed it down with some much needed caffeine.

“Seriously though,” Brad smiled, “can I talk to you about something, Col? In private?”

That certainly got Ryan’s attention. I saw his body go rigid as several of the others wolf-whistled loudly and laughed, but I was curious as to what Brad could possibly want so I shrugged and replied, “Sure. I’m finished anyway.”

Ryan looked as if he wanted to say something as I got up but he obviously thought better of it. He certainly gave Brad a suspicious glance as the younger man got to his feet as well.

“Watch it, Ryan,” Drew chuckled from further down the table, “he’s after your man.”

Ryan ignored the comment, seemingly unaffected, but I could tell that he was anxious as Brad and I left the room together and headed outside for a nicotine fix.

“So,” I said casually, once we’d both lit up and taken a long drag, “what did you want to talk to me about?”

Brad hesitated, bringing the cigarette up to him mouth again, which only intrigued me further. Brad was always so sure and confident; this was most unlike him. I had the crazy idea that maybe he was about to confess his undying love, and nearly burst out laughing at the absurdity.

“Well, the thing is,” Brad mumbled, clearing his throat awkwardly, “I’ve been thinking about taking an improv show on the road for some time, and now Whose Line has finished I’ll finally be able to.” He stopped and took another drag as I waited patiently for him to come to the point. “I was just wondering if maybe you’d like to do it with me.”

Okay, I hadn’t expected that. Of all the people he could have asked, I would have thought that I’d be the last person he’d want. My disbelief must have shown on my face because he quickly added, “But if you’ve already got something planned with Ryan, that’s fine.”

I tried to ignore the stab of pain at the mention of Ryan’s name as I answered. “No, we haven’t made any plans. Why me, though? Why not Jeff or Chip?”

Brad shrugged and leant against the wall casually, tapping his cigarette ash onto the sidewalk. “They’re great improvisers, too, and they’re certainly on my list if you say no, but you and I have always worked really well together, and I think we’d make a great team.”

I raised my cigarette to my lips and inhaled deeply as he waited for an answer. It was hardly a difficult decision; Whose Line was over, everyone was going their separate ways, and I had no other work on the horizon. As far as I was concerned, the busier I kept myself the better. “Okay.”

A slow smile spread across Brad’s face. “You’ll do it?”

“Sure, why not?”

“Awesome,” he replied, clapping me on the back, “we’re gonna blow them away.”

His childlike happiness was infectious and I found myself smiling too, momentarily forgetting all the heartache of the past twenty four hours. Perhaps this was just what I needed.

TBC.


	5. Chapter 5

Brad and I discussed details for a while, and then he went back inside to call his agent and start the ball rolling. I was content to stay outside to enjoy the fresh air, and I closed my eyes, allowing the sun to warm my face.

I knew the moment he arrived, his figure casting a long shadow over my relaxed form, but I didn’t open my eyes; I simply waited for him to speak.

“So?” he asked finally, a trace of irritation discernible in his deep voice.

I opened my eyes and looked at him. The sun was creating an aura of light around his head, bringing out the golden colour of his hair, which would have made him look angelic were it not for his troubled expression. “So, what?” I asked innocently.

Ryan scowled, clearly unimpressed with my innocent act. “What did Brad want to talk to you about?”

I could see that he was worried and, for a moment, I had an overwhelming urge to lie, just to make him feel a small measure of the pain that I was feeling. I couldn’t do that to him, though.

“He asked me to do a two-man improv tour with him,” I replied matter-of-factly.

“Oh.” 

I could hear the relief in that simple word, and I felt a stab of irritation. Surely it was none of his business what I did now. He was leaving, going back to his wife, and he’d made it perfectly clear that we couldn’t have the relationship that I wanted.

“What did you say to him?” he asked casually.

“I said yes. It’s not like I’ve got another show to fall back on.” My words sounded a little too bitter for my liking but he didn’t rise to the bait; he just nodded with an infuriatingly calm acceptance.

“I think that it’s a good idea.”

“Well I’m so glad that I have the Ryan Stiles stamp of approval,” I snapped, my irritation bursting forth uncontrollably.

He looked slightly taken aback by my hostile reaction, which immediately made me feel guilty and miserable, the happiness of only a few minutes ago merely a fleeting comfort. “I’m sorry, Ry, I’m just tired.”

I moved to head back inside, not wanting the conversation to last any longer than necessary, but he caught my arm as I tried to pass him. 

“We’re okay, aren’t we?” he asked, a little anxiously.

I resisted the urge to snort at the question, and looked up into his emerald eyes which were clouded with doubt. “Sure.”

He studied my face for a moment and I knew he’d heard the false certainty in my reply. This awkward conversation proved that things were forever changed between us, and he knew that as well as I did.

“I’m sorry,” he said seriously.

This time a snort did escape. “For sleeping with me? Or for going back to your wife?”

He looked down, an uncharacteristically vulnerable expression on his face. “I can’t be sorry for last night,” he replied softly, entwining his fingers with mine, “it was….incredible.” He looked back up, and I could see the sadness in his eyes. “But I have a family to think about.”

It was strangely comforting to know that he was feeling at least some of the pain that I was suffering, that the previous night had really meant something to him. He squeezed my hand gently.

“You’ll always be my best friend, Col.”

Those words would normally have brought a rush of happiness, but now they only caused my heart to ache a little more. “I know.”

He smiled sadly and released me, allowing me to walk away. I glanced back as I went inside and saw him light up his own cigarette, leaning against the same patch of wall as I had. I knew that his last words were sincere. The trouble was, it just wasn’t enough anymore.

 

 

It was almost time to leave for the airport so I went up to my room to grab my bags, unsure whether I wanted to see Ryan again before I left. I always hated goodbyes, and this one seemed final somehow. It didn’t look like I had much choice in the matter though, as Ryan was waiting in the foyer when I stepped out of the elevator. Many of the other guys were there to see me off too; most of their flights were later on that day, while Ryan, of course, would be driving home.

It was strange to think that this was probably the last time we’d all be together, for a long while anyway, and there was a lump in my throat as I walked towards them all. There was a flurry of hugs and best wishes, and Brad promised to call me when he had more details of the tour. Then it was just Ryan left. The others wandered away, sensing that we needed to say goodbye in private, as Ryan and I walked out to hail a cab.

“Do you want me to come to the airport with you?” Ryan asked suddenly.

I knew how much he hated airports and was touched by the gesture, but I shook my head. “I hate long goodbyes.”

He turned to face me with a sad but determined expression. “It’s only goodbye for a little while, Col. I promise.”

How I wanted to believe that. I nodded and tried to smile as he folded me into his arms and hugged me tight, his head resting on top of mine. I hugged him back, wanting nothing more than to stay in that embrace forever, but time was against me. I reluctantly stepped back and hailed a cab, which pulled up beside us.

As I went to get in, Ryan suddenly pulled me back into his arms and held me for a moment before kissing my cheek, the touch only lasting a few seconds but conveying so much. “I meant what I said, Col,” he said softly, as I got into the cab. “I’m not letting you go.”

I kept my eyes locked with his as the cab pulled away and my heart threatened to shatter into a thousand pieces. “You already have.”

TBC.


	6. Chapter 6

I managed to keep myself busy for the next six months with Brad, trying not to dwell on a certain tall, goofy, American. It worked for the most part but, when I was alone with my thoughts, he would often come to mind and I’d feel the pain return in full force. I hadn’t seen or spoken to him since I left him standing on the sidewalk that day, despite his promise. 

I wasn’t really surprised; it had always been like this with our friendship. We could go for months without seeing each other then, when we finally did meet up, it would seem like only a day had passed. But now everything had changed, perhaps irrevocably so, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I would ever see him again.

Brad had quickly learned not to bring Ryan up in conversation. He knew, from my reaction, that something had happened between us but I made it perfectly clear that I didn’t want to discuss it. Our tour was going very well though, which helped a great deal, and we had quickly gotten into our stride with it. We purposely ignored any suggestions from the audience which were Whose Line, or especially Ryan, orientated, wanting to create something that was our very own and which didn’t hang on to the success of the tv show.

It was only a short run to start with because we didn’t know how well the idea would be received, but we needn’t have worried; our shows sold out in a matter of hours. We were now on the final leg, looking forward to getting back to home comforts instead of having to put up with a string of soulless hotel rooms.

“Man, the audience was on fire tonight,” Brad exclaimed with a tired grin as he collapsed into a chair in our shared dressing room.

“I admit, that was probably our best yet,” I replied as I grabbed some much needed water and sat down opposite him, my smile turning into a wince as various parts of my body protested. Brad obviously noticed my discomfort.

“I didn’t get you too badly with those mouse-traps, did I?”

I waved off his concern, taking a swig from the bottle. “I gave as good as I got. I just need a good night’s sleep.”

Brad seemed satisfied with that answer and leant back in his chair, placing his hands comfortably behind his head. “Just one more show, then we’re done.”

“Yeah. It’ll certainly be nice to sleep in my own bed again,” I sighed, stretching slightly. “Do hotels purposely go for the lumpiest, most uncomfortable, mattresses?”

“One of the many joys of being on the road,” Brad chuckled. “It _has_ been fun though, right?”

“Yes, it has,” I replied honestly, smiling at him. “You were right; we do make a good team.”

Brad shrugged. “I’ll never be quite up there with Ryan, but we still do pretty good.”

My smile instantly disappeared and I looked down, which made Brad realize his mistake. “Shit, I’m sorry Col. I wasn’t thinking.”

I forced a smile back onto my face and looked back up at him. “It’s okay, Brad. He’s bound to come up in conversation sometimes.”

Brad could obviously see through my cheerful mask to the pain I was attempting to hide. He leant forward and laid a hand on my arm. “I know you’ve said that you don’t want to talk about it, but maybe you need to. I’m your friend, Colin, and I can see how much this is hurting you. I know that I act like an idiot most of the time,” he smiled wryly, “but you can trust me.”

I looked into his eyes and saw the absolute sincerity there, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to open up to him and relive the painful memories. Brad saw my hesitation and squeezed my arm reassuringly.

“You love him, don’t you?”

My initial instinct was to vehemently deny it, as I had been denying it for years, but what would be the point? Maybe sharing the burden with someone else would help; I was tired of keeping it locked away deep inside, slowly eating away at my soul.

“Yes,” I whispered, averting my eyes and cursing the tears which gathered traitorously in them.

“And you told him?”

I nodded at the floor, not wanting to look back up and see judgement in his eyes. We were both married, after all. “The night of the party.”

“What happened?”

I sighed and closed my eyes, the memories of that night flooding back into my brain, then began to tell him everything. When I’d finished, Brad got up and crouched in front of me, lifting my chin and forcing me to look at him, his brown eyes conveying nothing but love and understanding.

“If there’s one thing I’m certain of in this world, it’s that Ryan loves you as much as you love him. I can see it every time he looks at you, heck, everyone can. I know that’s not much consolation at the moment, but you don’t know what the future holds.”

Despite his assurances, I didn’t feel very hopeful. “He’s staying with his wife, Brad,” I replied dejectedly, “that’s all I need to know.” I got up, feeling both emotionally and physically drained. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I have to find the strength to let him go.”

I moved towards the door, letting Brad know in no uncertain terms that our conversation was over, but, as I opened it, I heard him speak again and paused with my back to him. 

“You know, what you two have is very rare. Don’t throw it away.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Brad,” I replied without turning. I shut the door behind me and headed for my lumpy hotel bed, Brad’s words echoing in my head.

TBC.


	7. Chapter 7

I walked up the aisle of the plane, checking my ticket quickly as I searched for the right seat. I found it with relative ease and stowed my bag in the overhead compartment before sitting down with a barely audible sigh. Various people jostled past me, intent on finding their own seat, and I pulled my cap down slightly, praying for a hassle-free flight.

A couple across from me were arguing about something they’d forgotten, both intent on pinning the blame on the other, and drawing the attention of both passengers and crew. I turned away from the scene, gazing out of the window at the smooth gray tarmac stretching out into the distance.

I’d left Brad in the departure lounge, promising to ring him when I landed. His flight wasn’t for a couple of hours, and I certainly didn’t envy his long wait. Airports were as bad as hotels; soulless places, churning people through on a never-ending conveyor belt for a fat profit.

Our last show had been great, despite my fears that our discussion might make things awkward between us. Brad hadn’t said anything else though, seemingly accepting that I had to deal with the situation in whatever way I saw fit, and we’d settled back into our previous teasing relationship without any problems. We were now on an extended break over the Christmas period, but a new tour had just been confirmed for the new year which we were both very happy about. 

My attention was drawn briefly to one of the flight attendants at the front of the plane, who had just begun to show everyone what to do in the event of a water landing as the plane taxied slowly to the runway. I rolled my eyes and looked back out of the window, having seen the demonstration hundreds of times and not in the least bit convinced of its usefulness. Let’s face it, at the speed a plane is likely to hit it, water is pretty much like concrete; I doubted that a small inflatable vest and a whistle would somehow save the day. 

The plane stopped and the engines powered up in preparation for take-off. I always felt a thrill of exhilaration at this point, whereas Ryan would have been hyperventilating. I mentally slapped myself for thinking of him, ruthlessly cutting off that dangerous train of thought. I was going home to my wife and son; they had to be enough for me now.

 

 

“Hello?” I called, dropping my bags by the front door. “Anyone home?”

There was a flurry of activity upstairs and I heard a door open. A few seconds later, a familiar figure appeared at the top of the stairs.

“Dad!”

Luke thundered down the stairs and into my arms, hugging me tightly, which brought a smile to my face. I knew he’d soon grow out of hugs, and I intended to make the most of them until then.

“Hey, buddy,” I said affectionately. “Have you been good?”

“Of course,” he replied, drawing back with a grin. “When am I not?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?” an amused voice came from my left. I looked over to see Deb standing in the doorway and watching us with a smile.

Luke looked a little uncertain, which made me chuckle, as Deb walked forwards and gave me a quick perfunctory peck on the lips. “How’d it go?”

“Great,” I smiled, putting an arm around her, “but it’s good to be home. How have things been here?”

She shrugged. “Pretty quiet.”

“We’ve missed your cooking, dad,” Luke said seriously, as we moved to sit down in the front room.

Deb laughed and ruffled his hair. “Yes, there’s only so much take-out I can cheat with.”

Luke batted her hand away with an exasperated expression and I couldn't help laughing, my heart feeling a little lighter already. I let out a contented sigh as I sank down onto the couch, weary from the flight and months of travelling around.

“Let me go make you a coffee,” Deb said sympathetically, bustling off into the kitchen. “You’ve got a mountain of mail to sort through, I’m afraid,” she called, as Luke sat down to show me the latest school project he was working on.

“You still want to be an artist?” I asked him as I looked over his creation, to which he simply shrugged. 

His various different career ambitions were a constant source of amusement for me, changing almost weekly when he discovered something new. I always said he could be whatever he wanted to be, and I meant it. I didn’t want him to be constrained by expectations or social pressure; I wanted him to have the freedom to choose whatever made him happy, knowing that he had our unconditional support.

Deb came back in with a steaming mug in one hand and a stack of mail in the other, which was threatening to spill onto the floor at any moment. I accepted both with a grateful smile, looking forward to the taste of real coffee as opposed to the pitiful excuse I’d had to put up with for months.

I eagerly took a mouthful, which was heavenly, before quickly sifting through the various envelopes, most of which were junk. Deb started talking about a new job which she had coming up, but I wasn’t really listening; my eyes had fallen upon a particular envelope with a very familiar scrawl on the front. I opened it warily, my stomach doing a feeble somersault, and pulled out a birthday card. 

I’d hoped to avoid celebrating my birthday, being on the road, but Brad had, predictably, dragged me out to a local club and proceeded to get incredibly drunk. I’d been forced to practically carry him back to the hotel where he’d pronounced me the best guy in the world ever, hugging me to within an inch of my life. 

“What’s that?” Deb’s voice broke into my haze and I looked up at her, attempting to act normally.

“It’s just a birthday card from Ryan.” Deb, of course, had sent all my cards and gifts on to me.

“Oh, that’s nice,” she smiled. “That reminds me, I really must talk to Pat about meeting up…”

She carried on talking but I tuned it out as I opened the card, mindful of the fact that Luke was still sitting beside me, but very curious as to what he’d say. In all the years I’d known him, he’d only ever remembered to send me a card two or three times at most. Inside were just a few lines, but they still made my heart beat skip a beat.

 

_Happy birthday Col,_

_Sorry if this is late. I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten my promise._

_I miss you._

_Ryan._

TBC.


	8. Chapter 8

“Are we going to do that charity event next month, honey? They called again and asked us to confirm.”

I looked up briefly from my computer screen, my brain scrambling to catch up with the conversation. It was a few days before Christmas and I still hadn’t got all my gifts yet, which was proving a more difficult task than I’d thought. I never knew what to give Deb, normally falling back on either jewellery or art. She was sitting opposite me, looking expectant.

“Oh, yeah, sure,” I shrugged with a small smile, “it’s for a good cause.”

She gave me a dazzling smile in return. “Great. I’ll let them know.”

My eyes returned to the screen as the front doorbell rang and she got up to answer it--a little too quickly for my liking, making me wonder briefly what she was up to. My attention was drawn fully a few seconds later, however, by her surprisingly enthusiastic greeting and a number of different voices answering, and I got up with a frown to see who it was.

I turned the corner and froze mid-step as the towering figure of the man occupying nearly every waking thought came into view, along with Pat and their three children. 

“Look who it is, honey,” Deb said to me happily as she closed the door, clearly having planned this with Pat, her partner in crime, who was smiling also.

Ryan looked up, straight into my eyes, and I could have sworn that time stopped dead as we gazed at one another for a moment.

“Colin!”

I was jolted out of my shock by a blur of pink rushing forwards and I lifted her into my arms easily, tearing my eyes away from her father and smiling at her excitement.

“It’s nice to see you too, Claire. You’re growing up way too fast, you know.” I looked over at Sam and Mac. “All three of you are.”

“Tell me about it,” Ryan murmured, ruffling Sam’s hair and receiving a glare in return.

“Do you three want to go see Luke?” Three enthusiastic head nods. “He’s in his room.”

I put Claire down and watched the three of them rush up the stairs before walking forward to greet Pat, kissing her on the cheek and trying not to inhale too much perfume. I noticed that her answering smile didn’t quite meet her eyes, but I was used to that; she had always been jealous of my closeness with Ryan, knowing that I was probably closer to him than she was, but she had become good friends with Deb over the years so we put up with each other.

I released her, pausing in front of Ryan, and there was a tense moment before he enveloped me in a hug. It was the first time in my life that I didn’t feel completely comfortable in his embrace, despite its normalcy in our friendship, and I brought my hands up to pat his back awkwardly.

“Hi, Col,” he whispered, giving me a squeeze.

I breathed him in, all the feelings I’d been trying to bury rushing to the surface. “Hi.”

Deb and Pat didn’t seem to notice that anything was amiss and carried on making conversation as he held me a little longer than normal, then released me. Pat took his hand as Deb led them into the front room and I followed them in a kind of daze, still finding it hard to believe that he was actually here.

Our wives were already chatting animatedly about the kids and recent developments as we sat down, but Ryan’s gaze was locked on me. After a couple of minutes Deb offered them coffee and I jumped up to go and make it, seizing the opportunity to get out of there for a while.

The kitchen was a welcome refuge and I placed my hands flat on the counter and dropped my head for a moment to try to compose myself. I had been completely overwhelmed by the rush of conflicting emotions that had hit me when I’d laid eyes on him again, and my heart was still hammering uncomfortably in my chest.

I heard the door open and immediately straightened up, reaching for the coffee machine. I knew it was him before I heard him speak.

“You need a hand?”

My hands trembled slightly as I grabbed the cups from the cupboard. “No thanks, I got it.”

Footsteps approached and then he was beside me, studying my face with a frown. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I replied with false cheer, “I’m just surprised to see you, that’s all.”

“I’m just keeping my promise,” he said softly, taking my hand briefly before I moved it out of his grasp. “But if you don’t want me here…”

I heard the change of tone and turned, catching the look of hurt which flashed across his face. “Of course I do, Ry.” I placed a hand on his arm. “I’m just finding it a little difficult to play happy families, considering what happened between us.”

Ryan nodded and sighed quietly. “Me too. But I needed to see you, Col. Six months is a long time.”

“I assume you didn’t fly up here,” I said, trying to steer the conversation back to a safer topic as I turned back to pour the coffee.

“No,” he chuckled. Oh, how I’d missed that sound. “We were up visiting some of Pat’s family and decided to kill two birds with one stone.”

“So I’m a bird now, am I?” I smirked.

He grinned and shrugged. “You could be a…”

“Bald eagle,” I finished his sentence for him with a long-suffering smile. “It’s nice to see you haven’t changed.”

“Neither have you,” he said quietly, all traces of humor gone from his face. As I stared at him, he took a half-step towards me and I felt my breath hitch.

“Where are those coffees, hon?”

Deb’s voice broke our trance and I stepped back. “Coming,” I called, hoping my voice sounded relatively normal. Ryan seemed to snap back to his normal self, and followed me out of the kitchen casually.

 

The kids had come down in our absence, and were excitedly talking about Christmas and the latest computer games. I shared a look with Ryan, who hated modern technology with a passion, and set the coffees down carefully.

“Hi, uncle Ryan,” Luke called cheerfully.

“Hey, buddy. You looking forward to Christmas?”

“Yeah, as long as I get what I really want,” he replied, looking pointedly at me.

I raised my hands and smiled. “You’ll have to wait and see what santa brings.”

“Oh, come on dad, we all know that santa doesn’t…” his words were cut off by Sam clapping a hand over his mouth and nodding towards Claire, who was watching them closely.

“Santa doesn’t what?” she asked with an adorable frown.

Luke looked stumped so I decided to jump in, my improv skills coming to the fore. “Santa doesn’t give presents unless you’re really good,” I leant forward to whisper to her conspiratorially, “and Luke’s been a bit naughty.”

Claire giggled and moved to sit on my lap as Luke looked highly indignant. “I’ve been good; right daddy?” she asked, a tiny note of doubt in her voice.

Ryan drew in a breath through his teeth and shook his head slightly. “I don’t know….there were a few moments…”

I laughed at her mortified expression and gave her a reassuring squeeze. “He’s just teasing you, sweetie. I’m sure santa’s going to stop at your house.”

It almost seemed like old times as we all chatted and laughed, sometimes until our sides hurt, but there was still an unspoken tension between Ryan and myself, and our playful banter was a little forced. I took the opportunity to let my eyes wander over his face when he wasn’t looking, drinking in the sight, and he suddenly turned to meet my gaze, as if he could feel my eyes on him. I swam in his emerald depths for a moment before looking down at the sleeping face of his youngest child in my arms, knowing that I didn’t deserve her trust or affection.

TBC.


	9. Chapter 9

This was surely what hell was like, I thought, as I sat trying to play happy families across from the man I loved. I kept my involvement in the conversation to a minimum, resigned to sitting through the tedious details of Pat’s latest news, and tried not to look at Ryan. I could feel his gaze on me as I watched Luke, Mac, and Sam mess around with a game nearby, shifting Claire in my arms slightly to get more comfortable. She stirred slightly before snuggling into my chest and I couldn’t help smiling down at her peaceful expression.

Without thinking I looked up, straight into Ryan’s eyes, and my breath caught at the sheer amount of love shining through them as he watched me cradle his baby. I became aware that Deb was talking to me, and I tore my eyes away from Ryan to look at her.

“Sorry, honey, what did you say?”

She rolled her eyes and shared a long-suffering look with Pat, as if to say, “ _Men!_ ”

“Pat and I are gonna take the kids to the Christmas parade downtown and maybe do some last minute shopping.” She paused and chuckled at my less than enthusiastic expression. “Don’t worry, you and Ryan can stay here and catch up properly if you want; I know you need some guy time.”

I’m wasn’t sure if her definition of guy time was quite the same as mine anymore, and I felt a stab of guilt once again, but Ryan answered before I could open my mouth.

“Thank God for that; I’ve gone in enough shops this past week to last a lifetime.”

Pat laughed and leaned over to kiss him, making my insides twist. “Oh, come on; it wasn’t that bad, hon.”

He grinned and shrugged. “If you say so. Staying here still sounds like the better option though; right, Col?”

“Sure,” I replied, fixing a fairly unconvincing smile on my face.

“Okay,” Deb smiled, getting up. “Come on, kids; shoes and coats on please.” 

There was a flurry of activity in response. Pat lifted Claire gently out of my arms, flashing me a brief smile, and she woke up groggily. “Is it Christmas yet?”

Ryan let out a bark of laughter. “Not yet, sweetheart, but you might see santa at the parade if you’re lucky.”

Her face lit up instantly, and she ran off to put her things on.

“Right, we’ll see you two later,” Deb smiled, kissing me quickly on her way out. I noticed Ryan’s eyes narrow slightly as he watched, and realized that he felt the same strange possessiveness as me.

“Have fun,” I replied, returning the smile.

 

An awkward silence descended as I listened to the front door closing, then, a few moments later, the car pulling out of the driveway and accelerating away. I was suddenly very aware that being here alone with Ryan was a _really_ bad idea.

“So, how did the tour with Brad go?”

I looked over at him and shrugged. “Pretty good. We’re doing another one next year.” Silence again. “How’re your shows going?”

“Good,” he replied softly, with a small smile.

Needing something to do, I stood up and started to clear the cups away but he caught my hand and held it, forcing me to stop. I stayed still, keeping my eyes fixed on the smudged lipstick mark around the edge of Pat’s coffee cup.

“I missed you,” he whispered, rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand gently.

I looked at our entwined hands, which fit so perfectly together, and found myself replying without meaning to. “I missed you, too.”

“I really missed you,” he admitted, and I looked up and caught his gaze which was more intense, yet gentle, than I had ever seen before. I was quickly losing myself in his eyes, and I didn’t even realize that he was closing the distance until I felt his lips meet mine.

A cross between a moan and a sob erupted from my throat as I pressed closer, and I felt his arms wrap around me tightly. His kiss was forceful and so very passionate, as though he was claiming me as his own, and I surrendered to it completely. He was my own personal brand of heroin, and I realized in that moment that I could never get enough.

I found myself pushed back onto the couch, his body covering mine and his arousal pressing insistently against my leg, and I was suddenly back in that hotel room with incredibly powerful feelings surging through me and tempting me. Except this time we couldn’t brush it off as a drunken mistake; we were in my home, very sober, and our families could come back at any moment.

That was all it took for my brain to kick into gear and I reluctantly pushed him off me, seeing confusion, guilt, and more than a little hurt in his eyes.

“I can’t go through this again, Ry,” I told him firmly, resisting the urge to pull him back to me. “You’re reopening wounds that have barely begun to heal.”

“I’m sorry,” he replied with a pained expression, dropping his head into his hands. “I know it’s wrong, but I can’t stop thinking about you. You’ve awakened something in me, Col, and I don’t think I can control it.”

This was what I’d been afraid of. I took a deep breath and forced myself to say the words I didn’t want to. “Then maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore.”

His head shot up and he stared at me in shock. “You don’t mean that.”

I sighed, wanting nothing more than to take it back and relieve his pain but that wouldn’t have solved anything. “We obviously can’t just be friends anymore Ryan, so maybe a clean break is the best thing. My heart really can’t take any more of this.”

I got up and walked towards the door, desperately needing a cigarette or ten.

I heard him get up to follow me, hurrying to catch up. “Can we at least talk about this?”

I stopped and turned, looking into his eyes steadily. “You said it yourself, Ry. You have a family to think about; a beautiful family who you’re never going to leave. I respect that, but I’m not going to be your bit on the side whenever you want me. I deserve more than that.”

I saw the anguish in his emerald gaze as he answered. “I know you do. I’m sorry.”

I tried to ignore the renewed pain in my heart as I turned away from him. I walked out into the backyard, taking deep gulps of fresh air, and tried to pull myself together as I put a cigarette in my mouth and fumbled around for my lighter. It wouldn’t do for everyone to come back and see me like this, when I was supposed to be happy.

I heard him approaching but didn’t look at him as he stopped beside me. He pulled a lighter from his pocket and lit my cigarette for me before lighting one for himself.

“Would you leave Deb?” he asked quietly after a moment’s silence, blowing a cloud of smoke out into the chilly air.

“Yes,” I replied without hesitation, and he looked at me in surprise. I glanced at him and sighed before continuing. “That probably sounds heartless, I know, but things have changed between us. I don’t think I ever loved her the way that she loved me.” I took a long drag from my cigarette as my eyes followed the clouds overhead, hesitating slightly before deciding to be completely honest. “It’s always been you.”

I felt him take my free hand and squeeze it gently, expelling a deep breath. “I hate this.”

“I know.”

He turned to face me, and there was such sadness in his eyes that I felt my heart break a little more. “I don’t want to lose you, Col.”

I smiled sadly, returning the pressure on his hand. “You won’t, Ry. No matter where I am, or how far apart we are, I’ll always be yours. Always.”

TBC.


	10. Chapter 10

I tried to make the most of those last few precious hours with Ryan, but all I could think about was that everything was our last; last chat, last laugh, last hug...last kiss. I knew my decision was the right one for our families, but I was doubting my ability to see it through with every passing minute. How would I be able to stand seeing him walk away for good?

Despite our attempts to act cheerful, I'm sure that everyone noticed that we were subdued for the remainder of the day; Deb certainly kept looking at me curiously. It seemed that the minutes were hurtling past, faster and faster, and the moment I'd been dreading was suddenly upon me, pushing my resolve to the absolute limit.

Against a backdrop of smiles and frivolity, Ryan and I stepped into our final embrace; the laughter around us seemed to mock our pain. I'm sure that, had anyone been studying us closely, our faces would have betrayed a certain amount of the anguish we were both feeling. I took a deep breath and forced myself to step back with a smile before it could go on for too long. As far as everyone else was concerned, we were going to see each other soon. It would now be up to us individually to make sure that we wouldn't.

Ryan lingered for a moment as everyone else went out to the car and pressed something into my hands. "I know it's late...but happy birthday." 

"You didn't have to..." I began, but he cut me off.

"I wanted to." He paused, seemingly unsure of what to say, and looked down, letting out a deep breath. When he looked back up, his eyes were suspiciously bright. "Goodbye, Col."

I swallowed the lump in my throat to whisper my reply. "Bye."

His gaze stayed locked with mine for a moment, and then he was gone. I watched their car disappear from sight and then looked numbly down at the wrapped gift in my hands, vaguely aware of Deb and Luke walking back towards me.

"You okay, honey?" Deb asked, her voice laced with concern.

God knows how, but I managed to smile cheerfully at her. "Yeah, I'm fine." 

It was perhaps the biggest lie I'd ever told her, I thought to myself as we headed back inside. Truthfully, I didn't think that I'd ever be fine again.

 

Christmas came and went, but I hardly noticed. The days blurred into each other, everything insignificant compared to the pain of a heart that was utterly broken. Brad had called to wish us a merry Christmas but I'd only talked to him for a few minutes, brushing off his concern and deliberately not mentioning Ryan's visit. I knew what he'd say anyway, and it was the last thing I needed right now. Every day was proving a battle to be fought and won.

Late one evening, about a week after christmas, I stepped out into the backyard and sat down in my favourite spot under the apple tree. I had taken to escaping out here most evenings with the excuse of a nicotine fix, needing the peace and quiet and time to think things through. Normally, by the time I trudged back inside, Deb had already gone to bed. Tonight was different though.

"Can I join you?"

I looked up in surprise at her figure, silhouetted against the moonlight, and nodded cautiously, taking a deep drag from my cigarette as I did so. She settled down comfortably beside me, plucking the cigarette out of my lips and taking a puff whilst looking at the stars. I glanced at her curiously, deciding to let her make the first move. I didn't have to wait long.

"I'm going to ask you something," she said quietly, holding out the cigarette for me to take back, "and I want you to answer me honestly. Okay?"

My heart rate trebled as I took it from her fingertips and nodded slowly. "Okay."

She turned to look at me; her eyes shining brightly in the darkness. "Did you sleep with him?"

I didn't need to ask who she was referring to, and looked at her steadily for a moment before answering. "Yes...once."

She nodded, looking unsurprised by the answer. "I thought so."

"I'm sorry," I replied, and meant it. I knew Deb didn't deserve any of this.

She took my hand and squeezed it gently. "Don't be; you love him. I've always known that, from the first moment I saw you together all those years ago. I just thought that, seeing as he couldn't have you, I would." She turned to look at me steadily. "I went into this with eyes wide open."

When I simply stared at her, completely lost for words, she smiled. "We both know that our marriage has been over for a while, Colin, but I wouldn't change anything. You gave me Luke, the single most precious thing in my life, and I'll always love you for that." She looked back up at the stars. "Now I'd like to find someone who'll love me the way you love him." 

There wasn't a trace of bitterness in her voice; only honest acceptance. I shook my head and sighed as I stubbed the cigarette out, knowing that I'd remember this conversation for the rest of my life. "This is really it, isn't it?"

"It is," she said firmly, keeping hold of my free hand. 

"What about Luke?"

She heard my apprehension and looked at me. "We'll tell him together; I think he's mature enough to understand. You'll always play a big part in his life, whatever the future holds." She was silent for a few moments, but I sensed she was building up to something. My gut feeling was soon proved correct.

"Why don't you tell me what happened with Ryan?"

I didn't answer, a torrent of despair washing over me as the painful memories resurfaced. I felt her release my hand, and then she was cupping my face warmly and lifting it to meet her gaze.

"I may be your wife, Colin, but I'm first and foremost your friend, and I can see the pain which you've been trying to hide. Tell me."

I began to reccount everything that had happened, Deb's fingers squeezing my arm supportively whenever I faltered, and when I finished she wordlessly pulled me into her arms. Her compassion, and comforting embrace, proved to be the breaking point. My mental walls cracked and crumbled, and I finally allowed the first tears to fall onto her shoulder.

"He loves you," she whispered, her voice rough with emotion as she rubbed my back.

I nodded, trying to rein in my emotions to reply. "Just not enough."

"That's not true," she said forcefully, pulling back to look at me properly. "He's just a good man who's trying to do what's right, like you; even though it goes against what his heart is telling him. A marriage can't survive long on that, and I should know."

Although I doubted her certainty, her support and reassurance meant the world to me and I leant forwards to kiss her cheek, pulling her back into a hug. "You're an amazing woman, Debra McGrath, and I love you; although I certainly don't deserve you."

She lightly punched my arm as we pulled apart, looking stern. "Quit being so hard on yourself...and I love you too." She stood up abruptly, brushing the leaves and assorted debris from her clothes before pulling something from her pocket and passing it to me. "Here, open it. I'm going to head back inside."

I heard her footsteps recede as I looked down at the wrapped gift which Ryan had given me. I had placed it in the drawer of my desk that fateful day, unable to deal with any more pain. As the days had passed, it had become a symbol of my heartache and I had pushed away any thoughts of opening it. Now, with trembling hands, I carefully pulled the paper apart to reveal a simple black book.

Opening it up, I quickly discovered that it was in fact a photo album; filled with images of Ryan and myself, right from when we'd first started out. I looked through page after page of smiles and laughter, our entire lives together captured in one place, and my vision blurred through unshed tears. 

Although it was a present born of nothing but love and affection, I felt like a knife had been plunged into my heart. I closed the album and cradled it to my chest, bowing my head and shutting my eyes as I wept silently for everything I'd lost. 

TBC.


	11. Chapter 11

The new year ushered in a new chapter in my life as my marriage came to an end. Deb and I decided that she and Luke should keep the house in Toronto, and I'd look for another place. She made it clear that there was no rush to move out; after all, we'd been living together as just good friends for quite a while. We also didn't want the media getting hold of the story until we were ready to deal with it.

Luke took the news better than I thought he would. He was naturally very upset when we sat him down and told him, but the blame and anger I'd feared never materialized. We took the time to explain our reasons without apportioning blame, leaving out any mention of Ryan for the time-being, and made it clear that he would always be a priority in both of our lives.

Deb tried, on several occasions, to encourage me to contact Ryan and try to sort things out, but I firmly refused. Ryan had already made his choice, and it wasn't me. I had to find a way to live with his decision; to live without him. True to our agreement, I hadn't heard a word from him since his departure.

A few months into the new year Brad and I started to tour again, this time going right across the US with our show and extending it into the summer months. Once again we got good ticket sales from the start, and this encouraged us to keep pushing ourselves further and improving the show for our audiences.

I decided to confide in Brad about the demise of my marriage, and he played the role of supportive friend wonderfully. I could tell that he was dying to tell me what he really thought about the whole situation but, to his credit, he kept it to himself and left it in my hands.

My way of coping was to throw myself into my work so I'd have as little time to think as possible. That wasn't easy when there was hours of travelling inbetween gigs, but I had Brad to distract me and actually found myself enjoying his company more and more; even laughing, which I hadn't done for a while. Although he could never rival the bond I had shared with Ryan, a fact that he was the first to acknowledge, he was quickly becoming one of my closest friends and confidantes.

However, there were occasions when I would withdraw into myself and sink into a deep sadness. One of those was Ryan's birthday in April, when it was a struggle to resist contacting him. I actually picked up the phone a few times, desperately needing to hear his voice, but I forced myself to stay strong. I couldn't go back there again...it hurt too much.

Brad took me out for the evening to keep my mind off things, and we both ended up drinking far too much. I wasn't normally one to go overboard with alcohol, my partying days a thing of the past, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Here's to the birthday boy," I slurred from my stool, slumped against the bar. "Wherever he may be."

Brad, who was swaying slightly on the stool next to me, raised his glass and said, "To Ry..mmmph," his words cut off as I clapped a hand over his mouth and leaned in to whisper conspiratorially.

"Shh..don't say his name."

"Why?" Brad whispered back, attempting to stifle a giggle as he looked around. "He's not here."

A wave of despair hit me, despite my inebriated state. "I know," I sighed, dropping my head onto the bar a little too hard and wincing at the flash of pain.

"Come on, Col," Brad said bracingly as he clapped me on the back. "There are plenty more trees in the wood."

I frowned and looked up at him, blinking until he came back into focus. "Shouldn't that be fish in the sea?"

Brad waved a hand, nearly falling off his stool in the process. "Whatever. He's an idiot for letting you go."

I started to nod, then thought better of it as the room spun slightly. "Yeah, but he's _my_ idiot."

Brad slid unceremoniously off his stool onto the floor at that moment, and we were politely refused any more alcohol. We stumbled back to the hotel together, holdng onto each other and trying to stay upright whilst occasionally crashing into things.

"Shhh," Brad told a trash can that he'd knocked over, spilling garbage across the street. "People are sleeping."

I giggled at him. "They're not now."

Someone started shouting at us from a nearby residence, telling us in no uncertain terms to clear off, and we hurried away, trying, and failing, to control our laughter. The hotel receptionist gave us both a disapproving look as she handed over our keys and I attempted to look innocent. This wasn't helped by Brad who fell to the floor with a thud and started giggling again.

"Man down. Medic!" 

I rolled my eyes and, with great difficulty, managed to get him to his room. 

"You sure can't hold your drink, Sherwood," I slurred, dumping him on the bed and collapsing beside him so that we were both lying sprawled across it. 

Brad muttered something about throwing stones at black kettles and I snorted. "We're sure gonna pay for this tomorrow." I only got a groan in response, and turned onto my side to pat Brad's arm consolingly. "Thanks, Brad."

Brad opened his eyes and looked at me groggily. "No problem, man. I'm gonna pass out now, okay?"

I raised a hand to smooth his hair back with a smile as he did just that and then struggled back to my own room, not even bothering to turn on the light before I collapsed onto the bed and let sleep take me.

 

"Ladies and gentlemen," Brad announced, as several stage-hands came on to get everything ready, "Colin and I are now going to attempt the most dangerous improv game in the world...ever!"

I helped set the game up as Brad continued to explain what was going to happen. It was a few weeks after our major drinking session, and we were now back in sunny California to do several shows. I wasn't actually feeling too bad, having gone through several rough patches and somehow emerged a little stronger; with Brad's help of course. 

"As you can see, we are placing around 500 mouse-traps around the stage," Brad continued. "Colin and I will be performing this next game in and around them....completely barefoot."

He paused, as the audience gasped and laughed as usual, before continuing. "But, if you're thinking that it's not that dangerous, we'll also both be blindfolded...and we have several rat traps too." Another pause for dramatic effect. "Now we're gonna move around these traps while playing 'The alphabet game', which I'm sure many of you will know already. Every time one of us speaks, our sentence has to start with the next successive letter of the alphabet."

I had now finished placing the traps down and had removed my shoes and socks in preparation. "That's right," I said, stepping carefully between the traps as I walked towards the audience, "so now we need a suggestion for where the scene will take place."

"A party," someone shouted from the third row, and I nodded. 

"Okay, now someone else give us a starting letter."

I wasn't surprised when someone shouted, "X." We nearly always got that suggestion, like we always got proctologist when we asked for a profession.

"Okay," I replied, glancing at Brad to check that he was ready before putting my blindfold on.

"Xylophone music?" Brad immediately said indignantly. "Come over here and put something decent on."

I sighed inwardly and tried to prepare myself for the onslaught of pain as I cautiously moved forwards. Thank God this was the last game.

 

"Sorry, Col," Brad laughed, as we entered our shared dressing room together. "I honestly didn't mean to catch you there."

"Uh-huh," I smirked sceptically, still feeling the after effects of our good-natured game of torture. "I know you peeked. Just wait until next time." 

"Game on," he grinned, grabbing some water and turning to hand me a bottle. I watched him take a long swig as I sat down to do the same, but then his hand froze and the smile slid from his face.

"What?" I asked, puzzled by his sudden change of mood. 

"Looks like someone's here to see you," he replied stiffly, keeping his eyes fixed on the door behind me.

I turned around and my expression changed from confusion to one of utter shock, as my eyes fell upon the towering frame of the man I thought I'd never see again.

TBC.


	12. Chapter 12

I stared at Ryan, in a complete state of shock, and he smiled slightly despite looking very nervous.

"Hey, Col."

Brad cleared his throat awkwardly beside me. "I've...er...gotta go do something...somewhere." He laid a hand on my shoulder, and I finally managed to tear my gaze away from Ryan to look up at him as he continued. "I'll catch you later, okay?"

I nodded with a grateful smile and Brad squeezed my shoulder before making his way over to the door, muttering something to Ryan as he passed. I frowned, unable to hear the words from my position, and watched as Ryan nodded his head a fraction with a solemn expression. Brad seemed satisfied and left, closing the door behind him. An awkward silence descended with his departure.

"Great show," Ryan said after a few moments.

I sighed and got up to grab my jacket without looking at him, the momentary elation at seeing him fading and leaving only anxiety. I didn't want to have to go through this again, when I was just starting to cope with life without him. 

"What are you doing here, Ry?"

There was a slight pause. “Why didn’t you tell me you and Deb had separated?” he countered, ignoring my question.

My hands, which were in the process of zipping up my jacket, stilled at his words. "She called you?"

His immediate response rang with urgent impatience. "No; I called your house and she answered. She told me that you've been separated since Christmas."

"So?"

"So?" Ryan repeated incredulously. "Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

I could tell that his temper was rising, but I wasn't going to be drawn into an argument. Shrugging, I started to pack up a few things just to have something to do. “I didn’t think it would make any difference. You still have your family, and we agreed that we wouldn’t see each other.”

There was a moment of tense silence, and I thought that perhaps he'd just leave, but then he spoke again.

“I changed my mind.”

I turned and looked at him properly for the first time, not quite believing my ears. He was knocking us right back at square one, and I knew that I couldn't go back there again. I shook my head determinedly and made for the door. "We've been through this Ryan. Go home."

He grabbed my arm as I passed, and I stopped mid-step. "Please; just hear me out."

I sighed defeatedly, keeping my gaze fixed on the door. "You've got five minutes, then I'm leaving."

I heard him swallow loudly as he released his grip on my arm. When he spoke, his voice was quiet but firm. “These past months since I last saw you have been hell, Col. I foolishly thought that I could put you out of my mind, bury my feelings deep inside where they were before, but I couldn’t. I’m not a whole person without you, and the thought of not seeing you again was tearing me apart, affecting everything and everyone around me, including the kids. I couldn't possibly be a good husband or father when I was so unhappy inside. Pat finally sat me down and demanded to know what was going on, so I told her.”

I finally looked up at him, wide-eyed, with my heart thumping painfully against my ribcage, then asked the obvious question. “What did you tell her?”

Ryan took my hand and squeezed it, as he answered in a soft voice. “The truth.”

“And what's the truth?” I whispered, desperately trying not to get my hopes up and failing spectacularly.

He reached up and cupped my face gently with his free hand. “The truth is I'm in love with you, Col."

I refused to be distracted by those beautiful words and the hand touching my face so tenderly; I needed to be absolutely certain of his intentions before I opened my heart again. "Your marriage?" 

"Over," Ryan replied firmly, his thumb moving across my cheek. "I love you, and I want to be with you...forever, if you'll have me.”

I closed my eyes as he said what I’d dreamed of hearing for so long, and felt tears prick at them. When I opened them again, I saw that his expression was fearful and I realized that he thought I might reject him. I raised my free hand to caress his jaw, and smiled. “Forever sounds good.”

I saw the relief and joy in his eyes for a split-second before his lips collided with mine, more passionately than ever before, and a few of my tears escaped as I closed my eyes and kissed him back with equal emotion. Being in his arms once more felt like coming home and, for the first time, I was able to pour all my love into it without feeling guilty. He trailed kisses across my jaw and down my neck, as his arms held me possessively against him.

"God, I've missed you," he whispered against my skin; his voice wavering with pent-up emotion. "I love you so much."

I pulled his head up so that I could look deep into his eyes as I gave him my heart. "I love you too, Ry." Our lips met again, and I felt myself being pushed backwards until I was pressed up against the wall, his body grinding against mine eagerly. The irritatingly sensible part of my brain kicked into gear at that moment. "Wait." 

He instantly stopped and looked at me anxiously, obviously afraid that I'd changed my mind. I smiled reassuringly and kissed him again. "Not here, Ry. Let's take this some place where we won't be interrupted, okay? The hotel is only five minutes away."

The relief showed clearly in Ryan's eyes as he nodded and stepped back, kissing my hand with a smile. "Okay; I can try to control myself until we get there."

We reluctantly put some space between us as we stepped out into the corridor; the last thing we needed was some enterprising stage-hand going to the press with juicy gossip about our involvement. Obviously we wouldn't be able to keep it a secret for long but, for now, I wanted to explore this new level of our relationship without pressure or judgement.

A few hopeful stragglers got the surprise of their lives when Ryan and I stepped out of the theatre's back door together; rushing forwards with pads and pens outstretched.

"Oh my God," one particularly enthusiastic girl gushed, as she pressed a pen into my hand, "you two were my absolute favorites on Whose Line."

I smiled and asked for her name in order to write a brief message along with my autograph. As she continued to talk excitedly, I glanced to my left and saw Ryan reluctantly signing a few pads himself. We stayed there for several minutes, then excused ourselves and grabbed a cab, not wanting to be followed to the hotel. We sat apart, conscious of the driver's rearview mirror, but Ryan's hand crept across the cab's backseat to enclose mine in the dark as we watched the assorted buildings drift past.

Ducking into the hotel quickly when we arrived, we headed straight for the elevator, following an elderly gentleman into it casually. To anyone else we simply looked like good friends catching up, but I could see the fire in Ryan's eyes when he looked at me and was quite sure that he could see the same in mine. Our companion got out on the second floor and, as soon as the doors closed with a cheerful ping, Ryan pinned me up against the back wall, his mouth reaquainting itself with mine briefly before the elevator came to a halt again. 

Straightening ourselves out quickly as the doors opened, we stepped out and I led him towards my room; beginning to feel slightly nervous as we drew nearer. The line which we'd only dipped our toes over previously was about to be well and truly crossed, and there would be no going back. As I felt Ryan's hand rest lightly on my back as we walked, I realized that this had been waiting for us since the beginning. I wasn't going to fight it anymore.

TBC.


	13. Chapter 13

My hands fumbled slightly with the key in the lock, not helped by Ryan kissing the back of my neck softly, but I finally manged to get it open and we both stepped inside. I heard Ryan close the door as I threw the key down on the table and I turned to face him, feeling a whole new level of awkward. 

"Here we are."

Always able to read me like a book, Ryan sensed my nerves and frowned slightly; he moved to stand in front of me. "Do you want to talk?"

I gazed into his emerald depths, which were over-flowing with love, and shook my head firmly; taking his hand. "No; I want _you_." 

He raised his free hand and cupped my chin. "You've got me." 

Then he was kissing me, and any doubts or nerves instantly disappeared as I closed my eyes and melted into it. His hands seemed to be everywhere as our tongues fought for dominance; it was pure passion unleashed, and I revelled in it. We both needed to feel and show the sheer power of our emotions. I stepped closer, pressing up against the length of his body, and ran my hands up his back; clutching handfuls of his shirt as our kiss intensified even more.

I was starting to feel slightly dizzy, both from a lack of oxygen and the overwhelming feelings thundering through me, and broke the kiss to gasp for air; spots dancing across my vision. Ryan attacked my neck, nipping and sucking hungrily, and I felt his fingers begin to work on my clothes urgently. Not wanting to be left behind, I did the same, my desire burning even brighter as I gradually revealed his beautifully tanned and firm body. I ran my fingers down his abs and followed the coarse hairs that ran from his naval downwards; down towards the impressive bulge in his pants which was just for me. 

Ryan moaned against my skin as I unfastened his pants and slipped my hand inside to stroke him. He lifted his head to look at me, and a jolt of electricity passed between us before our lips met again. The rest of our clothes were hurriedly removed and discarded as our lips remained locked. When we were both completely naked, I yanked him forward so that he was flush against me; feeling his arousal digging into my stomach as he wrapped his arms around me tightly. A sudden thought sprang to mind and I went with it; breaking the kiss and diving down to take him into my mouth. I wanted to feel and taste every part of him; mark him as mine. It didn't feel strange or wrong to have another man's length in my mouth; on the contrary, nothing had ever felt so right before. His scent and taste was tantalizing and oh so arousing, and the soft moans and whimpers from above only served to push my yearning up another notch. 

I felt him run his fingers through my hair before gently, but insistantly, tugging me upwards. I let him slip from my mouth, immediately feeling the loss, and got to my feet to meet Ryan's enthusiastic lips as he nudged me towards the bed. The nerves that I'd felt earlier, and during our previous encounter, didn't reappear as we both fell onto the soft covers; I wanted this more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life. I wanted all of him; to claim him, and him to claim me. I wanted to feel him inside of me, and all around me, filling every sense which I possessed.

He kissed down my neck and chest, and my heart rate sped up to an almost impossible rate as he finally engulfed me in his mouth. My hips arched up off the bed to meet him as my head snapped back in ecstasy. He lapped and sucked hungrily, and I threaded my fingers into his curls; stroking and encouraging him. I knew that I wouldn't last long under this deliciously erotic assault, but I couldn't bring myself to stop him. He sensed that I was teetering on the edge, however, and pulled back; drawing a pitifully needy sound from the back of my throat.

"Do you want to?" he asked softly.

I didn't need him to explain what he was referring to, and simply nodded firmly; I wanted all of him tonight. He smiled and went to grab something from his pants pocket, returning moments later with a tube of lubricant. At my smirk and raised eyebrow, he shrugged. "I was hopeful."

I shifted and sat up to face him with a smile, taking the tube out of his hands and pouring some of the clear liquid onto my fingers. He watched my movements closely, his chest rising and falling more rapidly, and let out a quiet gasp as I ran a slick hand over his engorged member. I looked up into his lust-filled eyes as my hand continued its work, and he abruptly dived in for a kiss; our teeth clashing together in our haste. After a moment he pushed me backwards and covered my body with his own, and I could feel the molten heat of his arousal pressing against me. He broke the kiss and slithered down my body, nipping and licking, while his fingers found what they were looking for. They pushed past my tight ring of muscle carefully, and began stretching me in preparation for something much bigger. It was a slightly uncomfortable, burning, sensation at first, but that was quickly replaced by an incredible need, especially when his fingers brushed a certain area which nearly sent me into orbit.

"Now, Ry."

I felt him withdraw his fingers and position himself at my entrance, and I lifted my legs to give him better access. He paused to lean down and kiss me tenderly, and I lovingly cupped his face to kiss him back.

"I love you," he whispered, and pushed into me, burying himself deep within my body.

My reply was breathless, and clogged with desire. "I love you, too."

He kissed me again and then started to move, thrusting gently. I closed my eyes to savour the incredible sensation of him inside of me; it was like nothing else I'd ever felt. I heard Ryan moan quietly and, when I opened my eyes, I could tell from his expression that he was experiencing exactly the same sense of wonder. It was a cliche used far too often, but Ryan and I were truly made for each other; our minds and bodies were completely in-tune with each other.

I let out a groan as he thrust a little harder, and he leant down to meet my lips once more before burying his nose in my neck, his pants and moans blowing puffs of hot air against my skin. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I encouraged him to go deeper and faster and he immediately complied, his thrusts making the headboard bang against the wall repeatedly. At any other time I would have worried about disturbing the other guests, but at that moment I was too far gone to care.

Ryan shifted slightly and his next thrust hit my prostate, causing me to cry out as I saw stars. He continued to hit that spot relentlessly, sweat running down his body, and I thought I might pass out from the sheer pleasure of it. I could hear his ragged breathing in my ear, and an occasional whispered word, as his pace steadily increased, driving us both towards that blessed release. He abruptly lifted his head from my neck and our gazes locked as we drew ever nearer to the end. There was no-one else on Earth but us at that moment; our souls were laid bare to each other. 

I didn't even need him to touch me to tip me over the edge. I came between us with a joyful cry, my whole body spasming with the force of the most intense orgasm I'd ever experienced. Ryan continued to pound into me for another few moments, and then went rigid before emptying himself into me whilst shouting my name to the heavens, his whole body trembling with waves of pleasure. I had often dreamed about this moment, but nothing compared to the reality; it was beyond imagination.

Ryan sank down on top of me, carefully distributing his weight, and kissed me breathlessly, the exhaustion showing clearly on his face. "Holy fuck. I've never felt anything like that before." 

I smiled and brushed the damp hair back from his face. "Me neither."

He shifted to lie down beside me and folded me into his arms snugly, both of us feeling the pull of sleep after our exertion. Drifting off in Ryan's arms, with our bodies entwined and my head resting over his heart, I couldn't remember ever feeling more complete. For the first time in many months, I was truly happy. 

TBC.


	14. Chapter 14

I emerged slowly from sleep and kept my eyes closed, suddenly terrified that the whole thing had been nothing more than a dream, or, worse, that Ryan had got up and left like before. I lay quietly, straining my ears for any sound which would prove either fear unfounded.

A moment later, I jumped as a warm pair of lips met mine. “Stop frowning, Col. I’m still here.”

I smiled and opened my eyes, feeling a rush of blissful relief as I took in the sight of Ryan lying comfortably beside me, banishing the painful memory of an empty bed. “Hi.”

The corners of Ryan’s eyes crinkled as he smiled back happily. “Hi.”

He put an arm around me and pulled me closer, so that our bodies were flush against each other, and dipped his head for a proper kiss. My body instantly awakened at his touch, and I felt a renewed desire flood my senses. I knew he was feeling it too, judging by the hardness pressing against mine.

“Why the hell did we take so long to get to this?” he murmured, pushing me onto my back so that his body was covering most of mine.

I reached up to stroke his face, my heart swelling as he turned his head to kiss my palm. “All that matters is that we’re here now. Besides,” I added, looping my arms around his neck. “I’m sure we can make up for lost time.”

He grinned. “Oh, I intend to.”

We rolled onto our sides and kissed again, and I felt his hands wander down my body possessively. "I may never let you out of this bed again, you know," he murmured against my lips.

I chuckled lightly. "That's fine by me, but we'd get Brad busting the door down after a while."

Ryan shrugged, looking unconcerned. "Let him."

"Uh-huh," I smirked, then suddenly remembered their whispered exchange at the theatre. "What did he say to you, anyway?" 

"He told me that if I hurt you again, he'd kick my ass," Ryan replied with a small smile. 

I had to inwardly smile at Brad's protectiveness, even though I didn’t like his chances. "Well, I'm glad that there won't be any ass kicking," I grinned, reaching round to grab Ryan's firm cheeks, "because I'm kinda fond of yours."

“Really?” he growled, pinning me back into the mattress with a feral grin. My reply was cut off by his mouth, and I completely lost my train of thought, my whole body quite literally aching with need. I wrapped my legs around his waist as our lips remained locked, and he entered me in one swift movement. It was hard, fast, and gloriously fulfilling, both of us climaxing almost simultaneously.

“As much as I don’t want to move from this spot, we really need to take a shower,” I panted, as he collapsed on top of me. I could feel the stickiness of our combined juices congealing between our joined bodies, and we were both bathed in sweat.

“As long we can take it together,” Ryan breathed heavily in my ear, laying open-mouthed kisses on my neck.

“Absolutely,” I smiled, tilting my head to give him better access. “I wasn’t planning on letting you out of my sight any time soon, anyway.”

 

We both stumbled into the bathroom and stepped under the hot spray, washing away all evidence of our recent activities. As we cleaned ourselves, and each other, we both found it difficult to control ourselves, repeatedly diving in for heated kisses. It was like a dam had been opened, and we were powerless against the force of the feelings it had released.

Ryan ran a soapy hand down my arm, a deep chuckle escaping as his fingers curled around my hand. “I feel like a teenager again; I can’t get enough of you.”

I smiled and shifted forward slightly so that my arousal nudged his. “Me too.”

He closed his eyes and moaned as I rubbed against him gently, then startled me by grabbing my face and kissing me fiercely. “I want you inside me this time, Col,” he said huskily. “I want to feel what you felt.”

I felt a thrill of unbridled desire as he turned around to lean on the wall and spread his legs, bending them slightly to accommodate my height. I kissed his back and shoulders as my fingers stretched him carefully as he had done to me the night before, his moans and whimpers spurring me on. When he was starting to thrust back onto my hand, I withdrew it and positioned myself for the main event; feeling a mixture of nerves and exhilaration.

Slipping inside him stole the breath from my lungs; it was like coming home. I quickly got into my stride and thrust at an angle which drew repeated cries of ecstasy from Ryan. He was so tight around me that I felt my orgasm building far too quickly, but I couldn’t fight it and I wanted to stake my claim on him. He was mine now. That thought alone was enough to push me over the edge and I came deep within him with a final powerful thrust, which sent him over with me. Ryan’s guttural shout only served to heighten my pleasure.

My legs barely held me up as I pulled out and sank against him, his arms catching me as he turned. 

"Wow," he exclaimed breathlessly. "And I thought it couldn't get any better."

I smiled and met his lips in a tender kiss, then rested my head against his chest and closed my eyes, letting the water wash over me whilst listening to his racing heart. 

 

 

Once we were clean and dry, we ordered some breakfast from room service and settled back into bed, throwing our towels aside and comfortably lying in each other’s arms.

“Can we just stay here forever?” he asked sleepily, tracing a pattern on my chest with his finger.

It was a tempting thought. This hotel room had become our own little world, our refuge from all the worries and concerns which would come crashing back down onto our shoulders as soon as we walked back out of that door. We had to face it some time, though. 

I took a deep breath, preparing to let reality back in. “I think we need to talk.”

So we did. We spent the rest of the morning talking everything through; our families, living arrangements, the press, our future plans. I actually felt a lot better for it afterwards, knowing that we were going to be a united front. There were obviously going to be a lot of difficulties ahead, not least when it came to telling our kids, but, whatever happened, we would have each other.

When Brad’s voice broke into our sanctuary a few hours later, to check that I was okay and let me know that we were due to leave for the next gig shortly, we reluctantly got up and dressed. Ryan had decided to stay with us for a few more days before heading back to LA for his filming commitments. He would be able to look around for a place to live for us while I completed the tour with Brad. I intended to make the most of our time together before we had to part once more, even if our separation was only temporary this time.

I packed the few belongings which I had scattered around the hotel room, and then we prepared to step back into the real world together. “Ready?” I asked softly, my eyes searching his for reassurance.

He held out his hand, which I grasped firmly. “More than ready.”

A brief kiss, full of feeling, and then I opened the door, feeling almost invincible with Ryan at my side. All good things come to an end, but this was a new beginning.

 

End.


End file.
